Uncertainty is something I’ve certainly struggled with for as long as I can remember. In fact, I’ve become too familiar with it. But being familiar doesn’t necessarily mean that you understand it. There are some things that are far too complicated to comprehend. And I get it; we are human. Or, so we all like to conclude when we don’t get things.
My head is a battlefield. I was born with a brain that couldn’t stop debating with itself. It’s like listening to a radio station with overlapping signals. It’s terribly exhausting. But someone once told me that when there’s too much things in your head, write. So here I am at 3 AM babbling about words that come out as utter nonsense!
Uncertainty is disguised as a stalker who follows us everywhere. It’s an attention-whore that feeds on people’s self-esteem. It dwells in our bedroom, sleeps in our bed, stands in the corner as we take a shower, and holds our hand while we are around people. Some perceive it as an enemy but I think it is treated so unfairly that it has certainly almost lost its purpose.
The reality is, we are living in a parallel universe. One in which we are now breathing and standing while the other is the universe we create in our heads. They are two completely different worlds but sometimes their paths cross, and then they collide. Sometimes the result is undesirable but other times, they can be fascinating. Uncertainty lives in that universe in our head which means that when it collides with the physical world, there is still hope of it turning into something great.
I used to detest uncertainty. Not knowing who or what I want to become. Not knowing if tomorrow we are to live or not. The uncertainty of rewards and consequences. The uncertainty of living a life we don’t understand but will simply accept. But then I got tired of running away and decided to have a conversation with it. I gave in. I showed my vulnerability. I screamed, I cried and after infinity had passed, it gave me a response. It wasn’t the sort of thing I would like to admit but I did anyway. It’s still scary to think of the unknown but at least I know it has a purpose.
I don’t think I made any sense with my rambling. It’s almost 4. I need to be in bed. Good night!