I've been feeling more and more detached to the world lately. It's like that feeling you get when you lack sleep and just stare out the window and see nothing but abstract objects moving or twisting.
Hours suddenly feel longer as you stare at the clock every now and then. There's a sense of depression in the air like that familiar smell of afternoon sun--hot and heavy.
There's a throbbing headache pulsating and loud noises annoy me.
I had my first psychology session today. It was really emotional. I did not expect the tears to start pouring 10 minutes after we said our hellos. I kept thinking about how weak I seemed. How weird, how stupid. But my goal is to figure out how to control my emotion. To turn it into something good like stories or pictures instead of bad memories.
I looked around the room. It was painted blue, like in one of our rooms in our old house. The kind of blue that made you think about the sky or the ocean. It was a familiar blue.
The psychologist asked me a few questions to evaluate my state. So far it seemed that a lot of my frustrations come from the feeling of being discriminated and events that have been happening around me the past few years. I was hesitant about sharing everything--especially since I don't normally trust people immediately. But she seemed patient and listened to me share about my experiences.
At the end of our 2 hour-session, Jeremie picked me up. I was back to the real world. Back to designing websites and facing yet another wave of discrimination from strangers.
I look forward to the upcoming sessions in the following week and yoga sessions to help me become more mindful.