I’ve been feeling more and more detached lately. It’s like that feeling you get when you lack sleep and stare out the window seeing nothing but abstract objects moving and twisting.
Hours suddenly feel longer as you stare at the clock. There’s a sense of burden in the air like the smell of afternoon sun—hot and heavy.
There’s a throbbing headache pulsating and loud noises annoy me.
I had my first session today. It was really emotional. I didn’t expect the tears to start pouring 10 minutes after we said our hellos. I kept thinking about how weak I was.
My goal is to figure out how to control my emotion. To turn it into something good like stories or pictures instead of bad memories.
I looked around the room. It was painted blue, like in one of our rooms in our old house. The kind of blue that made you think about the sky or the ocean. It was a familiar blue.
The psychologist asked me a few questions to evaluate my state. So far it seemed that a lot of my frustrations come from the feeling of being discriminated and events that have been happening around me the past few years. I was hesitant about sharing everything—especially since I don’t normally trust people immediately. But she seemed patient and listened to me share about my experiences.
At the end of our 2 hour-session, Jeremie picked me up. I was back in the real world. Back to designing websites and facing yet another wave of discrimination from strangers.
I look forward to sessions in the following week and doing yoga to help me be more mindful.