Personality Shift

February 7, 2014

There was this invisible fear in me that I never really understood.

When I was a kid, I used to be so afraid of adults. When our parents took us to grown-up parties, I would find it so difficult to stand near people even our relatives. I hated being talked to and carried around and asked to sit in their laps. For some reason, I didn’t really want to interact with them. My dad told me that I used to hide behind his legs whenever an adult would come near me. He also told me that as a toddler, whenever they’d look at my eyes, my instinct was to look away.

At times when we’d have visitors at home, I would hide in our room and pretend to be busy of something. There was this invisible fear in me that I never really understood.

Growing up, I had been inconsistently shifting from being an introvert to extrovert and back. When I reached 6th grade and the most part of high school, I’d find myself unafraid of meeting new people. My friends would describe me in school as being “friendly”. Proof is written on an exercise in Values class where classmates write down something about you.

But then, when I left college, I quickly turned back into my old self. The girl who doesn’t mind being alone and gets tired of being around random people. Don’t get me wrong. I do like my friends. It’s just the meeting of new people that exhausts me.

Sometimes I’d be excited to meet someone especially if it’s very easy to be friends with them but sometimes it’s a drag. I wonder if the next few years, I’d shift into this completely different person and look back and think of how different I was. Or maybe I’d just be the same person.

Experiences drive us to become who we are but I wonder if we started with a blank slate as a child or already came with predefined personalities. I wonder.

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